Bumblepig wrote: ↑Tue Oct 01, 2019 10:17 am
Here's my submission: The Children of Zewlac
I hope folks enjoy it. Feedback is welcome.
...
- I really appreciate this opportunity to contribute creative stuff via an open forum! Thanks very much to those who make this possible.
Bumblepig,
Thank you, for the submission. I've really enjoyed reading how every one has taken a different spin on this set of maps.
I looked over your submission and found these issues. If you want, you can change it back. If you make any other changes, make sure to update the release number.
I took the 'ea.' from the Monster Blocks XP entries. There were several through out the document.
Page 3 – Long John Ahab’s Tale of Woe boxed text – paragraph 12 – repeated word
Removed second ‘the’ from first sentence.
Page 5 – The Zewlac Cult – Paragraph 2 after Core Beliefs - change ‘the’ to ‘to’; added ‘was’ and ‘with’ to second sentence to clear up language.
Was:
… (“oh she's in the temple somewhere”, or “perhaps she stepped out the pick flowers”) In fact, the cultists are all aware that she displeased Zewlac and then, fearing for her life, fled to the temple's lower level and has not been seen since.
Changed to:
… (“oh she's in the temple somewhere”, or “perhaps she stepped out to pick flowers”) In fact, the cultists are all aware that she was displeased with Zewlac and then, fearing for her life, fled to the temple's lower level and has not been seen since.
Page 19 – Meditation Chember (Elinor) – Boxed text – removed ‘her’ since ‘Elinor’ is there for clearity.
Was:
From her Elinor's lifeless body floats a transparent figure.
Changed to:
From Elinor's lifeless body floats a transparent figure.
I saved it as release 2 and it is attached below. Good luck in the competition.