Chrysogon's Coterie - 288 NPCs for your Campaign

[leon]

Here's some feedback for the 3rd level NPCs.

pg21 Sylva Demetra: "to have been borrowed by a member of the Vitni". Borrowed threw me for a moment. It sounds like lesser version of possession by a ghost. The commentary about the Vitni seems to introduce a new monster that would be awkward to run at the table without formal rules.

pg23 Theodosius Scipio: "She is s trong,". Strike extra space. "he has occasion to not only see" should be "he has occasion not only to see". "if there’s any chance she might grow to feel the way he does, it’s worth it." perhaps should be "if there’s any chance she might grow to love him the way he loves her, it’s worth it." because the previous sentence is about his certainty of how the information would be used.

pg25 Elton Townsende: "on the scale that the Wizard at the Fair last year was doing". Is "Wizard at the Fair" the name of some character, or is the capitalization misplaced?

[toddlyons]

Revision 9 is up and features a few fixes from Leon, and a whole lotta boldface for spells and magic items for compliance with the Style Guide.

[Boggo]

Here's some feedback for the 3rd level NPCs.
<snip>
"he has occasion to not only see" should be "he has occasion not only to see".
<snip>

both of those are correct, and personally I prefer the first one, the second one is actually using an implied to, stupid typesetters (removed implied words came about after the printing press to save blocks having to be set for printing, which as they were in books became more commonly used over time)

[toddlyons]

both of those are correct, and personally I prefer the first one, the second one is actually using an implied to, stupid typesetters (removed implied words came about after the printing press to save blocks having to be set for printing, which as they were in books became more commonly used over time)

Interesting! It made sense to me when I wrote it, but I'm always open to correction. I learned the Queen's English, but did so in a small mining town in the rural north of the Canadian prairies.

[toddlyons]

It sounds like lesser version of possession by a ghost. The commentary about the Vitni seems to introduce a new monster that would be awkward to run at the table without formal rules.

It could be turned into a monster, but a GM wanting to do that will have to assemble it themselves. Personally, I see it as an opportunity for interesting role play from the GM and a mystery for the players.

And, I left instructions in the descriptions.

[leon]

Here's some feedback for the 3rd level NPCs.
<snip>
"he has occasion to not only see" should be "he has occasion not only to see".
<snip>

both of those are correct, and personally I prefer the first one, the second one is actually using an implied to, stupid typesetters (removed implied words came about after the printing press to save blocks having to be set for printing, which as they were in books became more commonly used over time)

It reads fine either way. Modern usage allows split infinitives. I noted it because the style guide takes a stance of producing English as it would be written in 1980. I'm curious about the "implied to" concept, but I don't want to turn the topic into a adventure in grammar.

[leon]

Another global thing I noticed is that equipment should be lowercase (e.g. walking staff, not Walking Staff).

Feedback on Level 4 NPCs:

pg 32 Cassandra Flamen: "named after the family, “<break>flamine” being". Looks like an extra space inside the quotes.

pg 35 Lupa Falco: "between 5 and 10- years".

pg 37 Hersilia Julus: Find Familiar isn't a spell in the core rules. I know, I know, it's left up to the GM to figure it out. If it's in a supplement, you could add a parenthetical comment. Anyway, it's in italics in the body copy instead of bold and capitalized.

pg 39 Payton Hawarde: "She replayes her"

[Solomoriah]

Generally speaking, I do prefer supplements that are pick-up-usable, that is, little extra needed with clear pointers if something is. So "Find Familiar" is a problem for me; it's not in New Spells, nor as far as I know in any other Downloads page supplement. Don't know if it's in Libram Magica but that's over in the Showcase; Downloads page (and publication track) books shouldn't depend on items not available on the Downloads page.

[toddlyons]

Generally speaking, I do prefer supplements that are pick-up-usable, that is, little extra needed with clear pointers if something is. So "Find Familiar" is a problem for me; it's not in New Spells, nor as far as I know in any other Downloads page supplement. Don't know if it's in Libram Magica but that's over in the Showcase; Downloads page (and publication track) books shouldn't depend on items not available on the Downloads page.

Do you recommend adding the spell or deleting the reference? I'm fine with either, but it hardly seems worth adding a new section for one spell.

[Solomoriah]

I'd prefer to drop the spell, honestly. I personally have never liked the "classic" implementation of that spell, and it's an "advanced" spell anyway.